Shades of the Horizon
by Arciade
Summary: Kaoru and Hikaru, the young Hitachiin twins, share a strong, unmatched bond of brotherly love. But Kaoru's feelings for his brother surpass the domain of fraternal affection and approach a desire for a relationship more romantic, physical, and forbidden.


_Hikaru._

A single thought. It shot through his mind swift and potent, like an elegant swipe of a blade. It left in its wake not blood nor wounds, but desire and sorrow.

Kaoru lay still in bed. It had to be past midnight, but he could not sleep at all. His mind was heavy with thoughts, and his chest heavy with longing. He wished the thoughts and the longing would go away, he wished the pain he was enduring would end, but he knew, ultimately, he'd have to endure it for many more nights to come.

It was a paradox to Kaoru; the love he had for his twin brother was the most enriching, euphoric sensation he has ever felt, something he never wished to be rid of, but the pain that came with it was overwhelming. It swept away all hope, all joy, and left him barren. He desperately wanted the pain to end, but like the ebb and flow of the tides, the pain would never go away. It would just recede and return, over and over again.

Kaoru hated himself for it. He considered himself cursed by some malevolent jest of bitter destiny. Love was so simple for everyone else-why couldn't it be for him? He knew love and heartbreak were common feelings, but the cycle was always thus: a typical high school relationship would last a few weeks (a few months at the most), and then one of the participants would declare that the relationship was over, leaving his or her former soulmate distraught for a number of weeks. Both of them would have completely forgotten the other before the end of the semester. But this was different. Three years, and his feelings had not dissolved. Hikaru would not be forgotten.

He wasn't precisely gay, nor was he exactly bisexual, except in the strictest sense of the word. Granted, he had a homosexual desire for his brother, but his love for Hikaru was a singularity; he did not harbor any sexual attractions to other males whatsoever. It was interesting, thought Kaoru, that although it stood to reason that his own nakedness should provoke him as much as Hikaru's, since they both shared the same body, after some experimentation in the mirror, that did not seem to be the case. So it seemed to him that his sexual attraction to Hikaru had nothing to do with a desire for his brother's body at all. These observations led to the question: was he really gay for his brother, or was it just a result of his mind trying to rationalize his intense brotherly affections? Kaoru was deeply confused by this.

Beside him, fast asleep, was the object of his passions. Kaoru rolled his head to face his brother, and gazed wistfully at Hikaru's face, tranquil, pale, perfect. He wanted to caress the unblemished skin, to press his lips upon his brother's own, and to feel Hikaru's hot breath on his neck. But he would not dare betray Hikaru. He would never touch him so lecherously while he was so defenseless. His love for Hikaru was such that his desires and his happiness were secondary to the contentment and trust of his brother. A comforting thought: it was mutual. Kaoru knew that Hikaru would die to protect him. He also knew that he was the closest person to Hikaru in the world, but somehow this was not enough. Kaoru wanted more.

Kaoru turned his head. A small part of him entertained the fantasy that one day Hikaru would one day return the deeper feelings Kaoru held for his brother. But still, Kaoru was no fool, and for the main part, he had no hope that such a thing would come true. His only hope was that one day, the tightness in his chest would ease, and he'd be able to live life without suffering an insatiable longing that he could find no way to appease.

He knew that one day he and Hikaru would have to part ways. He would have to let go one day. But for now, they were together, and he held on more tightly. Underneath the covers, he slid his foot over to the side so that it barely touched with Hikaru's ankle. This was as much contact as Kaoru was prepared to make. Somehow, having the warmth of Hikaru's body flowing directly into his own was something of repose. He was aware of the silliness of his action, but as long as it gave him some peace, he didn't care.

Finding some calm at last, he closed his eyes, and soon enough, his thoughts melted away into the dark.

* * *

><p><em>Hikaru.<em>

A single thought. It struck his mind strong and sudden, like the sharp bite of a viper. The sinister poison it injected did not stop his beating heart, but crippled it from the pain.

He opened his eyes. There he was, directly in front of him, wide-eyed, and beaming.

"Good morning, Kaoru!"

Kaoru groaned, and closed his eyes. This was invitation enough for Hikaru to begin nudging him on the shoulder.

"Kaoru, wake up!"

Kaoru opened his eyes and sat upright, blinking. He yawned, and stretched out his arms, then turned to face his brother.

"Good morning, Hikaru."

"Kaoru! Let's go!"

"Why are you so excited to get to school?" asked Kaoru with a considerably less enthusiastic voice than his brother.

"Don't you remember? Our Lord is in Kyoto until tomorrow, so for today, we'll be all alone with Haruhi!"

Haruhi. It hit him like a harpoon though the chest. Kaoru was not prone to jealous, but the sound of her name burnt him inside. He knew it was wrong, but he could not rid himself of it. Instead of replying to Hikaru, he turned away. Hikaru's grin faded and his eyes grew concerned.

"Is something wrong, Kaoru?"

"I'm not feeling well," replied Kaoru faintly.

"Are you sick? Should I call for the doctor?"

"No, it's just... I had a bad dream, that's all," said Kaoru, turning back to face his brother.

Hikaru leaned forward and gave his brother a kiss on his cheek before wrapping his arms around him. Kaoru was comforted by the embrace, and held onto his brother for some time, resting his head on Hikaru's shoulder. Finally, Kaoru broke off. He wiped his watery eyes with the back of his hand, and smiled at his brother.

"Alright, then," said Kaoru. "Let's get going."

Concealing emotions was a skill Kaoru developed in response to his circumstances. He did it fairly well, only slipping up a few times, but generally managing to seem happy when he actually wasn't. Hikaru was somewhat confused by his twin's sudden change of heart, but he smiled anyway, and jumped off the bed.

"I call the bathroom first," declared Hikaru.

Kaoru laughed. "Since when have we ever taken turns?"

-END OF CHAPTER I-


End file.
